[There isn't always anything good in just being 'okay.' At times there's a fine line between that, and barely keeping things together. For Zero, it has blurred more often than not. He cherishes every second he has with Yuuki, here. He never wants to leave her side, should he be able to help it. However all at once, those same seconds in her presence feel as though a blade is twisting deep into his stomach, and his heart pressing hard right up against his rib cage.
It hurts. It HURTS. And there isn't very much he can even do about it. There's only time. He's grown into a very patient person within the past year or so (Haven aside, even), but sometimes it's too much.]
It could go either way, I think.
[He finally replies after drawing away from Yona once more, as well.]
I briefly mentioned it to Hak upon his arrival. We're in the same homeroom. When he awoke, alarmed, 'Princess' was the first word from his mouth. I led him to where you were. I didn't describe very much to him, otherwise, though. Just that you were someone important to me, and that I promised to have you two reunited. That I knew where you were, in the first place.
[Long story short, to him, the fact that Hak doesn't remember isn't something that especially affects him. However he knows it's not the same in Yona's case.
He's silent for a few moments before continuing.]
Yuuki. . . One of the things she hates most in the world is when things are kept from her. She went over half her life having no memories of her past. So I. . . At first, when we arrived, I didn't say anything. She was very confused why I was treating her the way I was. [another stalled pause] The 'Zero' of her time is distant. It was a difficult time. Eventually I opened up about Haven to her. Although, there's still so much she doesn't know.
[His chest tightens again.] She knows I have feelings for her, but not to the extent. [a bit quieter] That she's the love of my life.
I know. . . if I told her more, it may put us even further apart, here. More so though I— our time differences, from home, is quite awhile. There are things I can't tell her, otherwise she would break. Or be angry with me. But at the same time, I know if she ever goes home, then returns with those new memories. . . something will also break.
. . . When that happened in Haven, she was infuriated with me because I knew all along what she was going to have to experience, and the heartbreak she would suffer from.
[Hak and Zero are in the same "homeroom," everyone seems to be calling it. That brings a sudden rush of relief. Yona doesn't even know where Hak's education room is. But she's glad that Zero is there with him. Hopefully Hak will grow to trust him again like he did in Haven.
She smiles warmly at Zero, appreciative of how he took care of Hak when he arrived.]
Thank you for bringing him to me. [As surprised as Hak likely was that Zero was familiar with her, she knows how alarmed he would have been appearing in a foreign place with her nowhere in sight.
Yona continues to listen silently, her lavender eyes gentle as she watches him. But then her thoughts stumble for a moment.
Did he say—?
Feelings. Love. Is that what Zero is to her? Or was? Yona's mouth falls open. All this time... she thought they were close, like siblings. Like her and Hak. Or something like that. But they are... were...
It hurts. The constricting sensation in her chest. This is the haunted expression she sees in his eyes. This is the excruciating agony she's witnessing in every breath he takes. This is beyond unfair or cruel. This is the worst type of torture imaginable. Something they could expect to happen in a place like Haven, except that it has become very clear they are somewhere else. She doesn't know how long Zero and Yuuki have been here, but it has at least been a couple of months if he was here when Hak arrived.
Yona recalls the time Yuuki disappeared in Haven, coming back some time after with more memories from her own world. She remembers how devastated she was, how she shook in her arms, sobbing over the things she witnessed. She also knew that it was something Zero failed to tell her, and how hurt she was by that. And it's difficult for her to judge. There are things she cannot tell Hak because it would be too painful. By the same token, there are things she would likely want to know about her future that her companions might have experienced.
Regardless...]
Well you have me, at least. Another person that remembers the Yuuki in Haven. [She smiles wanly.] I know that it isn't much, but I will do everything in my power to protect her and take care of her just like I would have before.
[She hesitates.] If she asks me questions about Haven... is there anything...? [She trails off because her question is clear. Is there anything she shouldn't tell her?]
[For as sincere as the reply is, there still is something empty to his ton in general. It doesn't make anything easier when he can practically see some of that emotion that works through her. That's right, though. Plenty of people knew both he and Yuuki in Haven. They knew of them being close, with both expressing to others that the other is so incredibly important, and how they're best friends.
Now that he thinks of it, only a few of those actually were aware of their being love and romantic feelings between them. Although, it's near impossible to categorize it using one or two words; 'lovers,' boyfriend/girlfriend'. . . none came even close. As for those who knew, Stiles did, it seemed. Sasuke (he had grown close to the pair, and was plenty perceptive). However, no one more so than both Haru and Makoto. The fact that both of them remembered Haven, therefore (still) romantically linked does leave Zero undeniably envious. Why just them?
The only thing Zero continues to remind himself of is he knows those feelings Yuuki came to realize were not exclusive to Haven. They've resided within her from the start. ]
Yeah. I'm glad for that. Neither of us are all that lucky, are we. But, we're not alone. [just a faint huff] . . . More importantly, though, thank you. Even with protecting aside, Yuuki. . . she could use someone like you by her side. I know you accept her for all of both who and what she happens to be. She may not remember what we do, but I'm positive she welcome you in no matter what.
[Yuuki is in serious need of such companionship. It'll help ease her, amongst other things.
He would have brought this up without being asked. Still, he ends up going quiet initially.]
She knows we were each other's closest allies and best friends. That we were a team. As mentioned, though, she isn't aware of us being more than just that, so I'd like for you to not bring that up.
[He frowns a little, brows knit. ]
I also have filled her in on a lot of general things about that place, including the situations we all were put in. And how she died a couple of times.
I guess. . . basically if anything especially personal comes up, be vague, or say you don't really know.
[There's no question in her mind that she would do her best to befriend her just like she did in Haven, but now more than ever, she feels the need to do so. Yuuki made many friends in Haven, but Yona cannot even imagine how difficult it might be to acclimate to a new environment for someone with her physiology. From what she's heard, there is a large collection of humans here, just like in Haven. There is normal food for all to share. But for someone who requires a different kind of sustenance, she can't help but worry about her and Zero both.
It was enough of a shock that Yona had been here once before with no memories of it. But to be told by a friend that she died a few times, she doesn't know how she would take that news. Yuuki is strong though. And she's sure she will get through this just as she did in Haven. It's in her nature to overcome obstacles.
She nods at him to indicate she understands.] I will do my best. But if I think keeping that information will hurt her in the long run, I will consult you about relaying it to her. I don't want her to go through some of the heartache she did before.
[Her expression relaxes, voice taking on a more gentle tone.] I know that there are some things better left unsaid until the person is ready to hear them. But sometimes witholding information can be just as cruel as intentionally lying.
For Yuuki's sake... [Yona bows her head as if she's making a very important request.] ...please don't keep her from the truth she would want to know.
[At the very, very least, it's a blessing that he can be there for Yuuki when it comes to being a reliable source of blood. He isn't sure at all what she may do. Turning to Mika would be a possibility, however he knows that he isn't especially fond of them. Then again, both Zero and Yuuki have proven themselves to Mika (and Yuu) that they are far from, even the opposites, to what the other two are accustomed in their world.
It's lucky, too, that should Zero's own thirst for blood return, he also has Yuuki, just as well.]
That's fine with me. I appreciate it.
[That she turn to him, first, rather than maybe alluding to Yuuki that there's more to what he's been saying.]
Yes, I know. [He does. In all seriousness.] I— It's a matter of choosing what to explain to her. It's true that not all of it will be upsetting, per se. Even though it still may confuse or put her at a loss, and not sure of how to react. Even so, I'm glad for that, at the very least.
[Yona's expression relaxes as she straightens her posture, her head lifting back up. Of course, he knows what she's talking about. Zero and Yuuki have known each other for many years and have a long history together, even before Haven. Very much like her and Hak. There are probably a number of things Zero could tell her that would be difficult for her friend to process. She trusts that he will make the right judgement. And if, for whatever reason, something happens like the last time, Yona will be there to help Yuuki through it.
Although, she can't guarantee that. All the friends she left behind in Haven. She thought she would be there to protect them. She tries her best to discard that thought, but the guilt still knots her stomach even now.]
I'm glad. [She pauses, not sure how to word her next question.] You said Yuuki has been missing for eight days now. [She hesitates, dreading what his answer might be.] Is it... is it like when I disappeared from Inugami?
[More than just difficult. Although a majority of the time that they've known one another was spent more simply and peacefully than not, the complexities and challenges within just the past two or so years outweighs it all. All of it truly beginning when Yuuki "awoke" as the vampire she had been born as. From then on, frankly, it's become a bit of a mess. On top of Haven, the disparity between their memories of home just runs so deep.
He can practically see the way she decides how to broach the subject. At least the answer will be something positive.]
It isn't. Your name completely vanished from the phone. Yuuki's is still present. [a beat] Although, if any attempts to contact her are made, the phone zaps you.
[A frown still creases his brow.] No one really has any idea where people go when they're missing, though. And those who have experienced it say they remember nothing. Thankfully, though, they return unharmed.
Aside from the zapping, it's so similar to Haven. [She's still having a difficult time believing the two aren't connected.] Is there any way Inugami is an extension of that place?
[And there's that bittersweet relief she's knows she shouldn't be feeling that Yuuki hasn't completely disappeared. And the fact that she will likely return unharmed eases her concerns just a little bit more. There really is no way to not feel guilt for wanting your friends in a place like this. She's sure that Zero feels the same way. Hak. Kija. Jae-Ha. All of them likely suffer from the same remorse.]
I recall just being able to remember one thing after having gone missing, myself, at one point. Wherever I was had the smell of rust and stale air. Possibly because it just might have had something to do with Storage.
[Not that he even wants to speak that word.
She's right, though. That guilt is all too real. He can't help but be grateful that Yuuki is beside him, here (just as it was in Haven), but at least he knows that it isn't just him.]
There's always the chance. [His shoulders tense, one hand balling into a fist.] I've been treating and seeing it as otherwise, though. It took me a while after first arriving, though. I want to believe this place is completely separate.
[She tries to recall if she remembers anything before she found herself paralyzed in the academic room earlier that day, but nothing distinct comes to mind.
His statement strikes her as odd. Although there are many differences between Haven and Inugami, there are also too many coincidences. It terrifies her to think that there might be two places operating separately from each other that are capable of stealing people from their homes. One was impossible enough.]
[He begins too soon. Why, indeed. It may be some kind of forced hope.]
To be relieved of that hellish place. [He looks away from her, head tipped with his hair shading his eyes.] It's wrong to say, but it's been easier here. There's absolutely no saying what other events may fall upon us, but in comparison. . .
[Yet Yuuki had already died before. Here, though, it was the first time he had ever actually seen her corpse.]
Even if it's only the lesser of two evils. We have a secure roof over our heads. Electricity, warmth, and running water. There's a steady supply of food, and being able to write as we please. I know— Although it's true that Haven was plenty capable of fooling our minds, giving us a false sense of security, I feel this all is different.
It's fine, though, if you don't want to agree.
[The only truly unbearable is Yuuki not remembering.]
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It hurts. It HURTS. And there isn't very much he can even do about it. There's only time. He's grown into a very patient person within the past year or so (Haven aside, even), but sometimes it's too much.]
It could go either way, I think.
[He finally replies after drawing away from Yona once more, as well.]
I briefly mentioned it to Hak upon his arrival. We're in the same homeroom. When he awoke, alarmed, 'Princess' was the first word from his mouth. I led him to where you were. I didn't describe very much to him, otherwise, though. Just that you were someone important to me, and that I promised to have you two reunited. That I knew where you were, in the first place.
[Long story short, to him, the fact that Hak doesn't remember isn't something that especially affects him. However he knows it's not the same in Yona's case.
He's silent for a few moments before continuing.]
Yuuki. . . One of the things she hates most in the world is when things are kept from her. She went over half her life having no memories of her past. So I. . . At first, when we arrived, I didn't say anything. She was very confused why I was treating her the way I was. [another stalled pause] The 'Zero' of her time is distant. It was a difficult time. Eventually I opened up about Haven to her. Although, there's still so much she doesn't know.
[His chest tightens again.] She knows I have feelings for her, but not to the extent. [a bit quieter] That she's the love of my life.
I know. . . if I told her more, it may put us even further apart, here. More so though I— our time differences, from home, is quite awhile. There are things I can't tell her, otherwise she would break. Or be angry with me. But at the same time, I know if she ever goes home, then returns with those new memories. . . something will also break.
. . . When that happened in Haven, she was infuriated with me because I knew all along what she was going to have to experience, and the heartbreak she would suffer from.
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She smiles warmly at Zero, appreciative of how he took care of Hak when he arrived.]
Thank you for bringing him to me. [As surprised as Hak likely was that Zero was familiar with her, she knows how alarmed he would have been appearing in a foreign place with her nowhere in sight.
Yona continues to listen silently, her lavender eyes gentle as she watches him. But then her thoughts stumble for a moment.
Did he say—?
Feelings. Love. Is that what Zero is to her? Or was? Yona's mouth falls open. All this time... she thought they were close, like siblings. Like her and Hak. Or something like that. But they are... were...
It hurts. The constricting sensation in her chest. This is the haunted expression she sees in his eyes. This is the excruciating agony she's witnessing in every breath he takes. This is beyond unfair or cruel. This is the worst type of torture imaginable. Something they could expect to happen in a place like Haven, except that it has become very clear they are somewhere else. She doesn't know how long Zero and Yuuki have been here, but it has at least been a couple of months if he was here when Hak arrived.
Yona recalls the time Yuuki disappeared in Haven, coming back some time after with more memories from her own world. She remembers how devastated she was, how she shook in her arms, sobbing over the things she witnessed. She also knew that it was something Zero failed to tell her, and how hurt she was by that. And it's difficult for her to judge. There are things she cannot tell Hak because it would be too painful. By the same token, there are things she would likely want to know about her future that her companions might have experienced.
Regardless...]
Well you have me, at least. Another person that remembers the Yuuki in Haven. [She smiles wanly.] I know that it isn't much, but I will do everything in my power to protect her and take care of her just like I would have before.
[She hesitates.] If she asks me questions about Haven... is there anything...? [She trails off because her question is clear. Is there anything she shouldn't tell her?]
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[For as sincere as the reply is, there still is something empty to his ton in general. It doesn't make anything easier when he can practically see some of that emotion that works through her. That's right, though. Plenty of people knew both he and Yuuki in Haven. They knew of them being close, with both expressing to others that the other is so incredibly important, and how they're best friends.
Now that he thinks of it, only a few of those actually were aware of their being love and romantic feelings between them. Although, it's near impossible to categorize it using one or two words; 'lovers,' boyfriend/girlfriend'. . . none came even close. As for those who knew, Stiles did, it seemed. Sasuke (he had grown close to the pair, and was plenty perceptive). However, no one more so than both Haru and Makoto. The fact that both of them remembered Haven, therefore (still) romantically linked does leave Zero undeniably envious. Why just them?
The only thing Zero continues to remind himself of is he knows those feelings Yuuki came to realize were not exclusive to Haven. They've resided within her from the start. ]
Yeah. I'm glad for that. Neither of us are all that lucky, are we. But, we're not alone. [just a faint huff] . . . More importantly, though, thank you. Even with protecting aside, Yuuki. . . she could use someone like you by her side. I know you accept her for all of both who and what she happens to be. She may not remember what we do, but I'm positive she welcome you in no matter what.
[Yuuki is in serious need of such companionship. It'll help ease her, amongst other things.
He would have brought this up without being asked. Still, he ends up going quiet initially.]
She knows we were each other's closest allies and best friends. That we were a team. As mentioned, though, she isn't aware of us being more than just that, so I'd like for you to not bring that up.
[He frowns a little, brows knit. ]
I also have filled her in on a lot of general things about that place, including the situations we all were put in. And how she died a couple of times.
I guess. . . basically if anything especially personal comes up, be vague, or say you don't really know.
[It's probably the safest way.]
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It was enough of a shock that Yona had been here once before with no memories of it. But to be told by a friend that she died a few times, she doesn't know how she would take that news. Yuuki is strong though. And she's sure she will get through this just as she did in Haven. It's in her nature to overcome obstacles.
She nods at him to indicate she understands.] I will do my best. But if I think keeping that information will hurt her in the long run, I will consult you about relaying it to her. I don't want her to go through some of the heartache she did before.
[Her expression relaxes, voice taking on a more gentle tone.] I know that there are some things better left unsaid until the person is ready to hear them. But sometimes witholding information can be just as cruel as intentionally lying.
For Yuuki's sake... [Yona bows her head as if she's making a very important request.] ...please don't keep her from the truth she would want to know.
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It's lucky, too, that should Zero's own thirst for blood return, he also has Yuuki, just as well.]
That's fine with me. I appreciate it.
[That she turn to him, first, rather than maybe alluding to Yuuki that there's more to what he's been saying.]
Yes, I know. [He does. In all seriousness.] I— It's a matter of choosing what to explain to her. It's true that not all of it will be upsetting, per se. Even though it still may confuse or put her at a loss, and not sure of how to react. Even so, I'm glad for that, at the very least.
But I do know and understand what you mean.
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Although, she can't guarantee that. All the friends she left behind in Haven. She thought she would be there to protect them. She tries her best to discard that thought, but the guilt still knots her stomach even now.]
I'm glad. [She pauses, not sure how to word her next question.] You said Yuuki has been missing for eight days now. [She hesitates, dreading what his answer might be.] Is it... is it like when I disappeared from Inugami?
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He can practically see the way she decides how to broach the subject. At least the answer will be something positive.]
It isn't. Your name completely vanished from the phone. Yuuki's is still present. [a beat] Although, if any attempts to contact her are made, the phone zaps you.
[A frown still creases his brow.] No one really has any idea where people go when they're missing, though. And those who have experienced it say they remember nothing. Thankfully, though, they return unharmed.
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[And there's that bittersweet relief she's knows she shouldn't be feeling that Yuuki hasn't completely disappeared. And the fact that she will likely return unharmed eases her concerns just a little bit more. There really is no way to not feel guilt for wanting your friends in a place like this. She's sure that Zero feels the same way. Hak. Kija. Jae-Ha. All of them likely suffer from the same remorse.]
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[Not that he even wants to speak that word.
She's right, though. That guilt is all too real. He can't help but be grateful that Yuuki is beside him, here (just as it was in Haven), but at least he knows that it isn't just him.]
There's always the chance. [His shoulders tense, one hand balling into a fist.] I've been treating and seeing it as otherwise, though. It took me a while after first arriving, though. I want to believe this place is completely separate.
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His statement strikes her as odd. Although there are many differences between Haven and Inugami, there are also too many coincidences. It terrifies her to think that there might be two places operating separately from each other that are capable of stealing people from their homes. One was impossible enough.]
Why do you want to believe that?
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[He begins too soon. Why, indeed. It may be some kind of forced hope.]
To be relieved of that hellish place. [He looks away from her, head tipped with his hair shading his eyes.] It's wrong to say, but it's been easier here. There's absolutely no saying what other events may fall upon us, but in comparison. . .
[Yet Yuuki had already died before. Here, though, it was the first time he had ever actually seen her corpse.]
Even if it's only the lesser of two evils. We have a secure roof over our heads. Electricity, warmth, and running water. There's a steady supply of food, and being able to write as we please. I know— Although it's true that Haven was plenty capable of fooling our minds, giving us a false sense of security, I feel this all is different.
It's fine, though, if you don't want to agree.
[The only truly unbearable is Yuuki not remembering.]